Gray,
I love you more than you know. What a gift you are.
At 2 months we had to go to the Dr. to get a check up and your first round of shots :( Your shots were so sad. And I think Boone will forever be afraid of shots because of watching you get yours. :/
You weigh 14lbs 2 oz. 75-90%
and you are 24 in. long. 90%
Everyone comments on how long you are, how pretty your head is, how great your skin and eyebrows are, and how much you look like your brother Boone. I think you are a great combination with a whole new look that is all your own.
In your second month, we went to Waco to visit friends, to the Hartsocks lake house on Lake Eufaula for staff retreat and then we picked up your brothers and grandma and pa and drove to Galveston for the weekend. It was a busy and packed couple weeks but oh so fun. Everyone dotted on you, of course and we all fell more in love with our Georgia Gray.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Boone's Birth, part 1.
Well here we are, three years later. Boone Bro, you are three years old now! And I really can't remember life without you...and I'm going to try real hard to remember every detail of your birth. :)
You were due December 16th. So we kind of made no plans for Christmas.
Georgia Gray, 3 months.
i love you, gray. I see more and more of Gods goodness through your life. Just you being here. I'm amazed. Your smile speaks of the love of God and the goodness of God.
This month we went to your cousin Annies birthday party, we celebrated the day Willa was born one year ago, and then we got on your FIRST AIRPLANE to Colorado for ICON. You did incredible, and mommy was a lot more calm with you than I was with Oaks first flight. We got to spend 3 days playing at Winter Park resort as a family before ICON started. You and I watched the boys do a lot of fun things. The week was great, it was amazing to see the greater picture of the movement that we are a part of through Antioch. It was also fun seeing so many people and missionaries that we have heart about for so long. But the week was also really hard for me. We found out SK was miscarrying the baby we were rejoicing over just a couple weeks before. This hit me hard and the enemy reared his head up at me with shame and guilt. I felt guilty for having you. One morning, it even felt like I couldnt hold you. Through a lot of tears and hurt, I had to come to the place that I claimed that those were lies from the enemy and the Truth was YOU are wanted and loved. YOU are a blessing. YOU are a promise of God. A promise of the goodness of God in life and in death. And in the midst of all of this grieving and not understanding, walking around Winter Park, CO, I would look down at you and you would be smiling at me. Not just a normal smile. This smile that went right to my heart. You were walking out who God said you were. What He had spoken over your life...A reminder of the goodness of God in death and in life. You were reminding me of the goodness of Him. That He is good. I didn't understand willa. I didn't understand all of these babies that haven't lived. But He spoke life over you, and He is good, and I am so so thankful.
This month we went to your cousin Annies birthday party, we celebrated the day Willa was born one year ago, and then we got on your FIRST AIRPLANE to Colorado for ICON. You did incredible, and mommy was a lot more calm with you than I was with Oaks first flight. We got to spend 3 days playing at Winter Park resort as a family before ICON started. You and I watched the boys do a lot of fun things. The week was great, it was amazing to see the greater picture of the movement that we are a part of through Antioch. It was also fun seeing so many people and missionaries that we have heart about for so long. But the week was also really hard for me. We found out SK was miscarrying the baby we were rejoicing over just a couple weeks before. This hit me hard and the enemy reared his head up at me with shame and guilt. I felt guilty for having you. One morning, it even felt like I couldnt hold you. Through a lot of tears and hurt, I had to come to the place that I claimed that those were lies from the enemy and the Truth was YOU are wanted and loved. YOU are a blessing. YOU are a promise of God. A promise of the goodness of God in life and in death. And in the midst of all of this grieving and not understanding, walking around Winter Park, CO, I would look down at you and you would be smiling at me. Not just a normal smile. This smile that went right to my heart. You were walking out who God said you were. What He had spoken over your life...A reminder of the goodness of God in death and in life. You were reminding me of the goodness of Him. That He is good. I didn't understand willa. I didn't understand all of these babies that haven't lived. But He spoke life over you, and He is good, and I am so so thankful.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Georgia Gray, 1 month
Oh, Georgia Gray, I love you so.
You are a gift. A promise. A promise of the goodness of God in life and in death. A reminder of Willa and of life after death.
I dont know how many times I have said that over the past 6 months.
You are a joy. You are loved. And I am so thankful God gave you to us.
You are one month old.
At 1 week old (daddys bday) we went to Oaks soccer game and to a festival. You love your ring sling and i do too.
At 2 weeks you weighed 10lbs. 11oz. 97% in weight and height.
You are solid. but so dainty at the same time :)
You also got in a tornado shelter for the first time at 2 weeks. (it was everyone elses first time too.) Daddy, Oak, Boone, Greta, me and you went to Mimi's and got in her shelter with her. It wasn't fun but thankfully a tornado didnt hit our area.
Your brothers LOVE you. I am so excited to watch yalls relationships form and grow. What a joy it is to see them love on you and learn how to take care of you.
You went to your first church service on Mothers Day, May 10th. You wore a sweet white dress that Amy bought you.
At 3 weeks, we went to Tulsa for Dukes party and to be with family and at 4 weeks we went to Dallas/Crandall/Martins Mill to meet more family.
You were a champ. you prefer the highway over stoplights. and made it all the way to Memas house in Richardson without stopping.
I feel like you smiled super early....and boy does that smile melt my heart.
We love you so much Gray.
You are a gift. A promise. A promise of the goodness of God in life and in death. A reminder of Willa and of life after death.
I dont know how many times I have said that over the past 6 months.
You are a joy. You are loved. And I am so thankful God gave you to us.
You are one month old.
At 1 week old (daddys bday) we went to Oaks soccer game and to a festival. You love your ring sling and i do too.
At 2 weeks you weighed 10lbs. 11oz. 97% in weight and height.
You are solid. but so dainty at the same time :)
You also got in a tornado shelter for the first time at 2 weeks. (it was everyone elses first time too.) Daddy, Oak, Boone, Greta, me and you went to Mimi's and got in her shelter with her. It wasn't fun but thankfully a tornado didnt hit our area.
Your brothers LOVE you. I am so excited to watch yalls relationships form and grow. What a joy it is to see them love on you and learn how to take care of you.
You went to your first church service on Mothers Day, May 10th. You wore a sweet white dress that Amy bought you.
At 3 weeks, we went to Tulsa for Dukes party and to be with family and at 4 weeks we went to Dallas/Crandall/Martins Mill to meet more family.
You were a champ. you prefer the highway over stoplights. and made it all the way to Memas house in Richardson without stopping.
I feel like you smiled super early....and boy does that smile melt my heart.
We love you so much Gray.
Monday, June 16, 2014
thoughts
i have a million random thoughts. stuck in my head...and I've had this urge to write for the past couple weeks.
realizing how writing is so good for me. and if i can make myself stop, and sit down, and do it....thats half the chore.
but a lot of times, it gets moved to the end of the list...and then boone wakes up, or oak comes in from mowing with his dad and asks me a million and one questions. and he uses he hand when he talks, like he is 32. and then he squints his eyes, like only he does. this complex tender tender boy. that loves to do whatever his dad is doing. that loves to be brave and strong and work with tools and wrestle and fight and watch robin hood and fly airplanes. this boy, is the most tender boy i know. his dad is tender. his uncle bill is tender. and i think those two men are who he is most like. and I'm in awe of these 3 rough and tumble, yet tender men.
ice is the best when its at that point right before melting. the water is so cold and the ice is perfect. crushed, of course.
i want to dig more into blessing your children ....the authority we have as parents to bless our children to free them and hurl them farther than we could ever go.
and singing. i dream of writing songs. deep story songs. slow acoustic. in my high school dream world. provoking thoughts. amy grant. sara groves. rich mullins. andrew peterson. jj hellar. me and a guitar. dreaming.
and home? I'm proud of my brother. really deeply proud. that he moved past maybe something i still struggle with. that he put mom and dad in their rightful place of honor and respect. and even more, he learned how to put God in His rightful place of all authority and supreme ruler of his life. free to do and go and run in grace. free from a parental fear filter and accepting the filter on his life of grace and truth. conviction in ever step he takes that comes from his Father. not a man made idol conviction that is burdensome and heavy, making one feel trapped.
how i long for this freedom. to move past this more than natural filter/fear/yearning for my parents approval in every ounce of the day. to tangibly remove this filter....and replace it with a filter of grace and conviction from the Holy Spirit. To place my parents in their rightful place of honor, respect, wisdom. To free them up in my mind to be who God made them to be for me in this season.
And thats why its okay for B and S to move next door to them. Because they have the order correct. They don't live for the approval of man, yet they live in the fear of the Lord. Bounding in his grace and truth, with each step.
Lord i'm so over this heavy trapped place.
I'm so ready to be free.
to be dated. to be pursued. to let myself have fun with this man you have given me. thats not going anywhere. i want him to read me. to go deeper with me. me and him. team of 2. to lead me with strong hands. to stand up when i can't. to reach out and grab me when i feel really all alone, stuck in his dream...that really isn't that dreamy. actually its really hard...and i feel really alone inside it. that when cole brackin asked how i was and told him he better make sure I'm okay and greg agreed but didn't think twice about it after.....i was screaming inside. broken. alone. longing for him to see I'm not okay, thats how i feel...im smiling on the outside, but inside I am confused and done, again.
can i just remind you one more time that i hate this?
can i just remind you one more time that this is not what i imagined for us.
and then the lies come. flooding. all the way back to 2006. 2007. 2008. they aren't even worthy of writing out. I'm so tired of wallowing in those conversations. Questioning everything.
and there are days that i soar. as a wife. as a college pastors wife. as a mom. but there are many more days i cry inside.
to be wild and free and alive and fearless and confident and loved and known.
help me. love me. meet with me. talk to me. deeper. have fun with me. know me.
realizing how writing is so good for me. and if i can make myself stop, and sit down, and do it....thats half the chore.
but a lot of times, it gets moved to the end of the list...and then boone wakes up, or oak comes in from mowing with his dad and asks me a million and one questions. and he uses he hand when he talks, like he is 32. and then he squints his eyes, like only he does. this complex tender tender boy. that loves to do whatever his dad is doing. that loves to be brave and strong and work with tools and wrestle and fight and watch robin hood and fly airplanes. this boy, is the most tender boy i know. his dad is tender. his uncle bill is tender. and i think those two men are who he is most like. and I'm in awe of these 3 rough and tumble, yet tender men.
ice is the best when its at that point right before melting. the water is so cold and the ice is perfect. crushed, of course.
i want to dig more into blessing your children ....the authority we have as parents to bless our children to free them and hurl them farther than we could ever go.
and singing. i dream of writing songs. deep story songs. slow acoustic. in my high school dream world. provoking thoughts. amy grant. sara groves. rich mullins. andrew peterson. jj hellar. me and a guitar. dreaming.
and home? I'm proud of my brother. really deeply proud. that he moved past maybe something i still struggle with. that he put mom and dad in their rightful place of honor and respect. and even more, he learned how to put God in His rightful place of all authority and supreme ruler of his life. free to do and go and run in grace. free from a parental fear filter and accepting the filter on his life of grace and truth. conviction in ever step he takes that comes from his Father. not a man made idol conviction that is burdensome and heavy, making one feel trapped.
how i long for this freedom. to move past this more than natural filter/fear/yearning for my parents approval in every ounce of the day. to tangibly remove this filter....and replace it with a filter of grace and conviction from the Holy Spirit. To place my parents in their rightful place of honor, respect, wisdom. To free them up in my mind to be who God made them to be for me in this season.
And thats why its okay for B and S to move next door to them. Because they have the order correct. They don't live for the approval of man, yet they live in the fear of the Lord. Bounding in his grace and truth, with each step.
Lord i'm so over this heavy trapped place.
I'm so ready to be free.
to be dated. to be pursued. to let myself have fun with this man you have given me. thats not going anywhere. i want him to read me. to go deeper with me. me and him. team of 2. to lead me with strong hands. to stand up when i can't. to reach out and grab me when i feel really all alone, stuck in his dream...that really isn't that dreamy. actually its really hard...and i feel really alone inside it. that when cole brackin asked how i was and told him he better make sure I'm okay and greg agreed but didn't think twice about it after.....i was screaming inside. broken. alone. longing for him to see I'm not okay, thats how i feel...im smiling on the outside, but inside I am confused and done, again.
can i just remind you one more time that i hate this?
can i just remind you one more time that this is not what i imagined for us.
and then the lies come. flooding. all the way back to 2006. 2007. 2008. they aren't even worthy of writing out. I'm so tired of wallowing in those conversations. Questioning everything.
and there are days that i soar. as a wife. as a college pastors wife. as a mom. but there are many more days i cry inside.
to be wild and free and alive and fearless and confident and loved and known.
help me. love me. meet with me. talk to me. deeper. have fun with me. know me.
Monday, April 21, 2014
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